Welcome to doomsday

A short commentary

Sweet Jesus! Where the hell did this came from? It felt like being AFK just for a minute and in the meanwhile, the apocalypse began. The coronavirus is spreading around the globe – today 171 of 194 countries have it – infection and death tolls rising day by day, some countries losing control over it, others like India impose a ban of going out for billions, the youngsters around the globe just don’t care for it ignoring the seriousness of the situation, in Germany, we have a shortage of respiratory masks and medical supplies, an ex-Israelian spook claims that the virus was released from a secret bioweapon research facility in Wuhan, the Americans call the virus the “Chinese virus” causing a diplomatic affair, the Chinese saying the virus was imported by US military personnel two weeks before the outbreak and the media coverage of all the aspects of a global pandemic is omnipresent and panicking the rest of us. What sounds like a crazed Hollywood screenwriter’s delirious phantasy became the weird reality already. The world is going a bit more mad as usual. So far, so bad.

Hoarders of the world unite!

But what is really sad in these dark times is the bittersweet insight that we as human species are for sure not the crown of creation. And that the policy of cutbacks in spending for the last decades as part of an ongoing globalization fall at our feet now. Of course it is an exceptional situation we face not every day. But it seems that the people’s biggest fear in the western world is being stuck at home in quarantine during doomsday and not able to wipe their asses clean. That’s maybe why a lot of people start to hoard toilet paper and start fighting over it during shopping instead of doing something useful – starting to think the situation over and act like a rational being, for example. Are you fucking kiddin’ me? For all the hoarders: Here is the ultimate calculator where you can easily find out if your supply of toilet paper last your quarantine. So get your shit done now.

Some porn for all the toilet paper hoarders out there!

Save the world’s grandparents and flatten the curve

It seems that lived solidarity is just a shattered dream in times of a global pandemic. It seems that our times grew a new species: the homo egoistus. The I-don’t-fuckin’-care-for-anybody-and-anything superhuman. It seems that the supreme directive is every man for himself. Wow. For that knowledge, we needed millions of years of evolution. Really? That gives me the creeps. It would be wise to act more rationally. Is it bad? Yes. Is it serious? Definitely. But as a matter of fact, most of us will survive the virus if you believe the stats, and there is no doubt – besides a lot of brainless fake news – why we shouldn’t. What people have to understand now is that we have to flatten the curve to protect the health care system’s capacity. If we can’t do that the mortality rate of the virus will be a lot more devastating. In the end the people out of the risk groups will die exponentially. That means foremost the elderly people are going to get affected by the virus. It could be your mum or dad or your grandma or grandpa. That is it to prevent. If you are too ignorant or too stupid to understand that do us all a favor and stay at home while overthinking it till you got it finally. The community will thank you for that for sure afterward. In this time you can be a hero by just doing what you can best: Lay back lazy on the couch while you chit-chat with your imaginary online friends. It was never easier to be a hero!

A hit back from the 80s for real heroes!

Things to do when you are in quarantine

So what should you do now? Don’t panic. Breath calmly. Flatten the curve. Don’t be selfish. Don’t hoard toilet paper. Think about solidarity. Think about how you can help others. Practice social distancing. Be a good role model for others. Stay at home. Don’t let your kids see their grandparents. Take responsibility. Look for a new hobby. Read a book. Create a playlist of your favourite songs. Start cooking. Binge watch some TV series. Start to draw. Say a prayer. Get high or drink a beer. Think about the meaning of life. Play with your kids. Play a video game. Or play with yourself. Do whatever you have in mind, but don’t be a moron risking the spread of the virus. So please do yourself and the rest of us a favor and stay the fuck away from other human beings. The digital age gives us enough possibilities to get virtually in touch with our peer group. Use some of these fancy new apps for your mobile devices. And don’t whine when your oat milk is out at home. You will survive it – this time. With that in mind take care and don’t hug others.

So be a hero: Stay the fuck at home! You will survive.

You will survive as he did.